All the nope

On today's edition of What the Hell is Happening in My Head, we bring you the results of Emily's Videonystagmography. (Don't worry, the saga doesn't end here).

The smile is fake. The style is very real.

To say that this is one of the more strange things to happen to me at a doctor's office is quite an understatement, although I view any doctor's appointment where I don't have to remove my clothes to be a win.

Because going to the neurologist isn't creepy enough

To make a long story short, this test involved wearing these super snazzy infrared goggles and undergoing the following:

• Keeping my head still and following Mister Potato Head on a TV screen with only my eyes while he moved all over the screen. That sneaky little sneakster.
• Lying down, sitting up, keeping my head at certain angles
• Having cold and then warm air shot into each ear for a minute at a time 
• Feeling like I was floating all over the place
• Lots of questions
• Talking about dogs (this was just a bonus of having an audiologist whose dog has his own Instagram account)

The result? I have a 30% impairment of the right peripheral vestibular pathway (a weak Vestibulocochlear nerve in the right ear). So, clear as mud.

I've been doing a lot of research and I don't really understand it any more than when I first heard the diagnosis. The next step is I get to go see an Otologist.

Every time I have an appointment, I think "oh good, I'll finally get answers today! And then...all the nope. Someday.

Someday.

Warmth: A mythical phenomenon

I forget what it's like to be warm.

I began my morning by being awakened by the electricity kicking the bucket...seven minutes before my alarm went off. Looking outside, it was eerily dark. I decided to not wait until the house started getting cold and quickly grabbed a flashlight, a candle, and took a shower by candlelight.

So romantic.

When I took Pippi for a walk, i was amazed by the thick layer of ice on the trees and the limbs and trees that had been taken down by it.

This is what the trees look like in hell.

When I was on a walk with Pippi, a tree fell in the woods and scared the crap out of me. And, of course, she took forever to find a spot to poop. My little, furry smartass.

When I go to work, I was able to assess my ability to apply makeup in the dark. Not too awful; just some uneven eye liner, and I'm sure my coworkers are used to that from me by now.

Today would be a great day to be able to text with the dog. Checking the power company's website, it appears the power is still out at the house. At least I had the foresight to provide her with an extra blanket in her crate this morning. I also just got an e-mail notice that another tree has fallen in the neighborhood and now our fire alarm system is down too. At least it's raining...?

I live in the overlapping outages area. Crap.

It's barely above freezing right now and the high for tomorrow is supposed to be in the low 60s. Here's hoping!


On a totally unrelated note: Today my mom and stepdad closed on the house I grew up in! They moved to southern Virginia in January and have had the house on the market since. And now someone else owns it! It's weird, but cool. It's a great house, but the location was getting too crowded for their liking. I hope the new owners enjoy it as much as we did.

Hasta la vista, baby!

Lumberjack with pretty feet

And the internet wins again.

This past weekend I finally did a few things that were long overdue. For one? I got a freaking pedicure!

I never do red. So mainstream of me.

It's probably been over a year since I've gotten one and, as with getting my hair cut, after I have it done and realize how much I needed it, I promise myself I'll do it more often. And then I don't.

Only time will tell.

The next thing I did that was long overdue has to do with a very large, ugly bush. Let's all get the giggles out of the way now. LARGE UGLY BUSH!

Ok, on to the story of said bush.

The first time I pulled up to my house (which wasn't mine yet) for an open house, my first thought was, "Holy crap, that large, ugly bush has got to go."

I mean, come on.

I vaguely remember asking the property manager if I could remove it and her telling me I'm not allowed. And then lately there have been break-ins in my neighborhood and what better place to hide than behind the LARGE UGLY BUSH, right? My agenda was clear: chop down the bush!

And so, saw in hand...

BOOM!

As you can see, there's still a stump there. I don't have the necessary tools to dig it out, but my brother suggested using the Jeep's 4-wheel-drive power to do it. Not surprisingly, I've already gotten an offer from a friend to do it for me...in exchange for beer. Aaaand...done.

Come spring, I plan on planting something much more aesthetically pleasing in the spot than the large, ugly bush. Suggestions welcome. Clearly, the HOA's landscaping company pretty much sucks at choosing greenery....and trimming it.

They trimmed this dude a couple months ago and left it like this.

Now, had they trimmed the large, ugly bush like this, I would have kept it.

I mean, who would burgle a house with this out front?

NO ONE!

1,000 pink poop bags

Well, since we last spoke, the chiropractor said that as long as my back continues to slowly heal, I can hopefully get back to running on Monday! It's a good thing, because I've also registered for my next half marathon.

Luckily it's not until November 3, so I have plenty of time to whine and cry about how out of shape I am while I'm getting back into shape. Yeehaw!

This past weekend I used my $200 flight voucher and took a trip up to New York to spend some QT with Shane. Unfortunately, it started out with my having to utilize an airplane barf bag, followed by losing out on my entire first afternoon/night there, as I slept for the next 18 hours straight. Lesson learned: Dramamine. For every flight. Also? I have absolutely no desire to ever go on a cruise. Being that sick for days on end on "vacation"? No thanks!

Apparently Dramamine will turn you into an airplane-
riding hippie.

Shane and I got to spend some time together (of course!) and also with his brother, sister-in-law, and 1-year-old nephew. Given the task of entertaining the baby and making sure he didn't eat the dogs' food, I realized that my innate reaction for stopping a child from doing something is to loudly say, "uh-uh!" which is the same thing I do to stop my dog from doing something. I think that means either I'm not ready to be a parent or that raising kids and raising dogs is just a lot alike.

Speaking of the dog, after her initial burst of crazy when I picked her up from four days at dog daycare, Pippi did this until we went to bed:

I even went back-and-forth to the kitchen making dinner and she didn't follow me. Her level of exhaustion was that intense. It was so wonderful.

Little does she know, her momma ordered something extra special from Amazon last night.

Now she can poop to her little heart's content!

1,000 pink poop bags for less than $20. About nine months ago my mom bought me a pack of maybe 300 bags and we're just now running out, so unless Pippi starts going five times a day, we're set for at least a couple years. My color choices were black, blue, or pink, so my choice was clearly made for me.

My original reason for going to Amazon was to order some new "ear tips" for my ear buds because I lost one and not having music to drown out the conversations on the bus to work is painful. How I got from headphones to poop bags? Your guess is as good as mine.

In closing, today is my nephew-dog's 4th birthday!

He's so lucky for his jokester cousin and aunt with access to Photoshop.

Parents of children and dogs: Do you find yourself disciplining them similarly?

Do you hoard odd things...like poop bags?