So, remember yesterday when I stated my goal for yesterday's three miles was an overall sub-10 minute pace? Well, how about three miles in 29:40, for a 9:53 pace? Woop woop! Now, to see if I can keep it up for four miles today. I think I'll start running outside again next week. Throw a wrench in it all.
So, onto my Tuesday Inspiration rant.
In having a conversation with a friend this weekend, I realized something that I think I knew, but really hadn't given it much thought before. And that is..life is good, finally.
I don't think I'm divulging any personal secrets here when I say that, for a really long time, life really sucked. And yes, I know that I've had a good life. I'm not saying that I haven't. I wouldn't change it because I've learned many lessons along the way, but there are some things I'd have done very differently.
I think I had pretty low self-esteem for many years, until...maybe a couple of years ago. I don't think I could say that any of my dating relationships have been "healthy". I know that's a pretty big statement, but I stand by it. I've learned many many lessons from them and I think now I'm just cautious, but I think that's better than being screwed over (no?).
My weight really fluctuated during that time. I definitely had a terrible relationship with food and my body image. When I got to college I was maybe 20-pounds heavier than I am now (or my "healthy weight" that I've maintained now for maybe five years) and then I went through a major period of deprivation. I wasn't feeling great about myself, and I realize that now. I didn't then. By college graduation, I was back to being chubby. Watch this:
college: freshman year (Don't mind the hideous hair and dress. Long story)
college: sophomore year (I was dangerously underweight. I loved that dress. Now I want to burn it)
college: sophomore/junior year
college: senior year (I still have that jacket and it's ridiculously huge on me now)
college graduation (I hate this picture, but I keep it around as a reminder of how far I've come)
Today! (I don't know what I weigh. I haven't weighed myself or looked at the scale at the doctors' office in probably three years...and I like it that way!)
I was always active (once I found the gym in college, I was hooked), but apparently dealing with stress is not my strong suit. Now I'm definitely happier and healthier....and I've found running :) Life is good!
Have you had a "weighty" journey?
I think you look great in your graduation picture!
ReplyDeleteLove this post, I can totally relate to the unhealthy relationships and low self esteem. I'm glad life is good now! You're awesome and deserve it :).
Considering that I ALWAYS saw you in the gym at college (well, I guess that means I was there all the time too), I assumed you were just really healthy. I don't even remember you ever looking like you had anything "extra" on your frame!
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed with this post, I normally stay away from this entire topic, lol.
Your college grad pic is beautiful and I LOVE your dress. You deserve the BEST in relationships and do not ever settle for less! I'll be happy to come down and assess any possibilities :). Sometimes I feel left out of the blogging world because I don't have a dramatic weight story! I joined the YMCA in high school so I could swim, discovered the machines, loved working out, gained some weight my first year teaching because all I did was cry and eat M&Ms, joined weight watchers, lost it, and now I'm a psycho training for a 50 mile race so I can eat M&Ms while running. Maintaining your healthy weight for five years is impressive! I don't weigh myself either. If my pants don't button, I'll cut down on the chocolate. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteyou look awesome! it is hard to find that happy place. way to go for sticking at that weight for 5 years.
ReplyDeleteSam @ fitness food & faith
Wait, time out. You and Kara went to college together? I missed that somehow! Now I feel like the random stranger sleeping on Kara's couch. I didn't know you guys all knew each other IRL!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think you look cute in the grad picture! I'm glad you've found your happy weight and I'm so grateful for how supportive you've been of my weight loss! It means a lot to have you cheering for me!