Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My gynecologist tried to kill me! (No, not really. It's a line from FRIENDS)

I'm a celebrity. Just ask my gynecologist.

(Yes, this one is about my visit to the gynecologist today. Feel free to quit reading now if you would rather spare yourself the dirty details. Also, I apologize for all the google images. This is one post I have no real pictures for. You're welcome.)

For some reason this appointment was a bit different, yet exactly the same as all the others. You know, go in, pee in a cup, get weighed, make small talk with the nurse while she pricks your finger and asks you all those questions that were embarrassing ten years ago, but now are just blah blah blah.

At least I got a fun band-aid!

The nurse asked if I was still on the certain type of birth control. (side note: In order to not go insane and possibly bleed to death, I'm on a rare, high-dose birth control to control my...cycle, so the nurse is always surprised at what I'm on until she reads my history). When I told her that I am, and that instead of paying the $55 per month for it, (no generic for a drug not many people take), my insurance has raised prices on everything and it now costs me $64 per month. WEE! (New clothes? What's that?)

"Hi I'm the bane of your existence."

The nurse then told me something that, if it's true, will change my life in a big way. She said that, as of January 1, 2012, all birth control will be free. Uhm...WHAT? SERIOUSLY? You mean I can soon potentially afford to eat AND clothe myself?? When I got home, I did some research and I found out that, while January 1 is very optimistic, there may be some truth to this rumor. Also, those yearly exams we have to go to, but hate with every fiber of our being? Free too! Don't get me wrong, I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch, but I have hope.

So back to the exam. When the doctor finally came into the exam room, before he even sat down, he said, "You got your hair cut." Uhh..yeah, I guess I haven't been here since I cut my hair, but surely he doesn't remember what every single patient looks like, right? I asked him if there's a picture on his little hand-held computer thingie and he said there isn't, he just remembers me. Woah, really?!

He then asked about my prescription and, as always, mentioned dropping the dose. I always have to talk him out of it because bad things happen when we do this (we've tried before). After more discussion, I convinced him. Apparently I'm his only patient on this drug long-term. THAT's how he remembers me! I'm the weird girl who takes that crazy drug. (I'm also the only person at my pharmacy who takes it. Since it's so expensive, whenever they have to reorder it, they ask if I'm going to continue to be on it long-term).

I'm also one of those people whose results always come back abnormal. They always have. Do you know what they do to you when you have abnormal results? They do something called a colposcopy and take a biopsy. Yes, it hurts. I've had it done twice. You also get to go to the doctor every six months instead of every year. Fun times! I decided to not go to my last six-month appointment. I was just annoyed and didn't see the need if they were just going to tell me the same thing I always hear (something about abnormal cells. Great. Thanks. I can do nothing with that). Yeah, the doctor mentioned it. Because, you know, I'm that girl.

I'm not gonna lie, I want a wand.

After the exam, he told me, "everything looks good". I'm never really sure what to say when my gynecologist gives me a thumbs-up on "everything". I'm sure I'll be seeing him again in a few weeks after they get my results. You know, because history has an annoyingly annoying way of repeating itself. Dagnabit.
No, my gyno's not old. This picture was just the right amount of creepy.

Tomorrow I get to go to the dentist! I've decided frozen yogurt shall be my reward for being a good patient two days in a row. I promised Alyssa I'd go to a frozen yogurt place in Chapel Hill that she's been to, and take pictures. No problem there! I have no qualms about taking pictures of myself enjoying cold, creamy deliciousness. I know you can't wait :)


  1. You have a special uterus. I'm not surprised. :)

    I already get almost free BC from military health care, so I'm not as excited as you. When will they have free childcare so Mommy can have a fucking nap? That's what I need.

  2. You're doc sounds weird. I never have to go back for my results, they just call AND I don't have to pee in a cup. Also, my doc remembers me, but I don't think it's for any weird reason.

  3. You go to a male gyno?? I couldn't handle that. I've had that stupid abnormal cell test that I can't pronounce and same thing, big ado about nothing. My gyno remembers me too, we used to go to the same gym. So excited and jealous about Yogurt Pump! We used to leave after work to get to Chapel Hill, and BOOK IT there so we could make it to YP before it closed! We'd always been running in with moments to spare!

  4. I heard that free BC rumor too. Considering my dang pap smear cost me $90 this year, I would die happy if women's preventative services were free. And my insurance didn't want to cover Implanon, which sucked since I can't take pills (I'm a stroke risk) and I couldn't get an IUD. Insurance companies suck.

  5. Reading this now, I'm so upset the BC change didn't work out. Luckily for me, my Sugarland obgyn tries her best to work around my financial needs, but it's still expensive! Hopefully this will keep getting pushed!