Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I can't afford to contribute to giving my neighbors' kids' cavities

While I won't be dressing up for Halloween this year (unless you count the Cindy Lou Who-esque Halloween headband I have sitting on my desk that I won't wear because it hurts my head), I'm celebrating it in the best way I know how... by being crafty.

The marketing division (which I am a part of. Duh.) at work has weekly meetings and it just so happened that today was our meeting day for this week and October happened to be my month to gather agenda items from each coworker for the meetings. Typically I'd just type them out in a Word document, but not today. Not when I'm in charge of the agenda!

It was appreciated.

I had decided early on that this year I'm going to skip the giving of candy for a couple of reasons. First, two bags of candy would have cost me $25 and that's just effing ridiculous considering I can't afford to buy food for myself until Friday. Second, I would either have to sit outside waiting for kids to come do my door or put up with Pippi losing her shit every time someone knocked on my door or rang my doorbell. Neither of those things really appeals to me in the least.

My plan was to just turn my downstairs lights off and hang out in my room for the evening. Yes, essentially my plan was to hide. From the little children. When I put it that way it makes me sound so awesome.

And then today my coworker, who has 5-year-old boy/girl twins, invited my coworkers and me over to help give out candy. Since this would mean that I would not only get to see all the cute kids in their costumes, but I also wouldn't have to buy the candy, I decided I'm in! And since I don't want to have to put Pippi through all the door knocking and doorbell ringing I suspect will go on even if I don't have my lights on, I created a sign.

I'm going to be the "mean neighbor" by tomorrow morning, aren't I?

And while the kids in my neighborhood are egging my house, I'll be down the road stealing candy corns from my coworker's children. After all, it's not Halloween without consuming candy corns.

In the spirit of the holiday, I've dug up some Halloween pictures from college for your viewing pleasure. It makes me sad to realize these are from ten years ago.

You can't tell, but I'm wearing pleather pants and showing my belly.

I was Britney Spears. What? It's not obvious?

This second picture is also proof that Kara and I knew each other in college and probably drank Natty Lite together. Those were the days, my friends.

Are you and/or your kids dressing up for Halloween? Because I need pictures!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

And that's why I don't rule the world.

I haven't ran in two days and I'm currently eating banana bread for dinner. No, I don't feel bad about it. Judge if you must.

I'm feeling the pangs of why it sucks to live far away from your family. When something bad (or wonderful) happens, giving yourself a big hug just doesn't cut it. Plus it kind of makes you look like a huge loser.

A little bit like this but not really.

Yesterday morning while my stepdad was taking his and my mom's dog (Abby) for a walk, a vicious dog ran up and attacked Abby. Abby had to have emergency surgery to fix multiple puncture wounds around her neck and my stepdad, who was bitten in the hand, had to have seven shots because the dog's drunk owner took off with his dog before they could get the dog's history.

How are idiots like this allowed in this world? I've decided that before people are allowed to procreate, there should be an IQ test and if their child is in danger of being a fucktard, they shouldn't be allowed to conceive. This is probably why I'm not the ruler of the world.

I talked to my mom earlier today and referred to the guy as an asshole. And I didn't get grounded. Being an adult FTW!

Like saying "shit" without being punished.

I really wish I could be with them right now. Thankfully everyone's at home healing and MAN do I hope karma finds that douche-bag. (I've decided he's got many nicknames).

Dear Karma, do it for Abby.

Also, this morning while in a meeting my purple pen ran out of ink and AND I had to wake up and go to work today. Life is so unfair!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

My record-breaking race

People do lots of things to break records, including running races wearing ridiculous things.

There's the guy who ran a marathon wearing flip flops (in 2:46.58, no less!),

34 runners tied together

And, well, this guy..

There are many many more listed on the Guinness Book of World Records site. 

As for me? It seems I may have set a new record in my half marathon this past weekend...running an entire half marathon with my eyes closed.

Run-napping. It's my special skill.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

He's so creepy!

I love waking up to Facebook posts about the previous night's debate. Since I'm still recovering from my lack of sleep over the weekend, I fell asleep before 9pm and didn't even think about turning on the TV beforehand. The one thing I couldn't wait to read about from last night's debate? Romney's Binder full of Women.

Mittens. Hehe. Mittens.

Oh Bill.

In that vein, yesterday Michelle Obama was on campus at UNC, speaking in the building next door to the one I work in. This means there was a line of obnoxious students that reached past my office window pretty much the entire day, waiting to get in. It also meant buses off campus after work were running different routes. It would have been awesome to be informed of this instead of waiting an hour for the bus to come in the afternoon. Basically Michelle Obama's visit just sort of pissed me off. I'm sure her speech was great, but it did nothing to help me out.

It's a good thing you're pretty, Mrs. O.

After struggling through a run yesterday after work, I needed something new to watch on Netflix. In scrolling through the choices, I came across something troubling.

It's a good thing I wasn't looking for a witty movie, because someone who hasn't watched either of these movies before would be extremely disappointed.

Although, I feel like Mittens would enjoy them.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I need wings

In walking through my house the other day, I realized I have way too many bare walls still. I'm not a big fan of hanging pictures of people (personal preference) and since I don't exactly have my own family, they'd all be pictures of me anyway and I'm just not narcissistic (or photogenic) enough for that.

I've had a sweet print on my "favorites" list on etsy for a while and decided it was time to just order it. Are you ready for this? Because it's awesome.
I ordered it with a purple background. Motivation to paint my master bathroom.

This is how I remembered where I parked at the airport.
And I still had to ask "information" how to get back there.

I've decided, based on this weekend, that I really hate flying. I knew I hated it, but now i REALLY hate it. I just never feel that great afterwards. This was my motivation to get out the door on Friday morning to get to the airport early.
Meet my friend, the Siren.

I had a layover in Philadelphia, PA both on the way to CT and on the way back. There was a sign in the airport that made me so happy.
I'd vote for him as mayor too with a name like NUTTER!

Because I'm a weirdo, fun airplane window pictures:
Hello Connecticut!

SO fluffy!

Something about this terrifies me.

Any other photos of flying would involve my middle finger, so I'll stop there.

You're welcome.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Hartford half: the recap

Meet my newest bling.

Spoiler alert! I didn't PR but I finished and it was a pretty good race, despite some stomach cramping issues. (Official time: 2:40)

The morning started out pretty cold. It took four miles for my toes to thaw and for me to drop my gloves. In hindsight it probably would have been better if my toes had stayed numb because toward the end my feet were up to their normal antics and the balls (haha balls) of my feet were in pain.

Alyssa doing her best baked potato impression.

The crowd support at the race was amazing, as was the race course. We ran mostly through neighborhood streets in Hartford and there were very few hills. My kinda race!

Things seen during the race:

  • A girl wearing underwear that said "LOVE PINK" across the butt. The only reason I know this? I could see them through her tights.
I hope she was getting paid to advertise.

  • A sign meant to show drivers what speed they're driving clocking runners' speeds.
You'll be happy to know no one was caught speeding.

  • Lots of spectators with dogs, which I really appreciated.

  • A dude running dressed in a full Flash costume—mask and all.

There was a ton of music along the course, including bagpipers! I listened to my music for most of the race until the end and I was amazed by the number of runners who talk to themselves while running. As usual there were people all through the course yelling that we were "almost done." It's a good thing we were busy running or those people were dangerously close to getting gut-punched. No, at mile six, we are nowhere close to being done!

I had a side stitch for most of the race, which I attribute to feeling like crap the day before the race and probably not fueling efficiently. I was able to push past it until about mile 10 when my stomach cramped up and running or walking upright was a challenge. I did a lot of walking for the majority of the last three miles and knew a PR just wasn't in the cards for me for this race. I was ok with that.

I've decided my mentality around running is that I am running for, and against, myself. Feeling inadequate to others is just a huge waste of energy. Yes, I want to improve and that's my overall goal but I'm also not going to beat myself up over falling short of my goal, whatever that may be at the time. There's always tomorrow.

Third half marathon? Done!

After the race Kari's friend, who is a massage therapist, came over and gave us all 20-minute massages. That was, by far, my favorite part of the day. She addressed the recurring pain in my lower back and asked why I haven't been seeing a chiropractor. It looks like it's time to loosen the purse strings and just make an appointment. Today most of the pain is in my calves. Walking down stairs today is a special kind of torture.

I've already been hooked into running another next month, which is close to home so a PR should be in the cards.

I'm so easily influenced.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


I have a love for all things fluffy/snuggly/soft. I'm not talking dogs or babies here (although I have a soft spot for those things too). If I was forced to go shopping for clothes, towels, blankets, etc. without being allowed to feel everything, I'd never go shopping.

When I shop, people run away.

Waaaaay back when I first graduated college I bought myself a cheap, yet awesome, fluffy comforter. It was the kind that you put a duvet cover on. I loved the heck out of that thing until the one day earlier this year I decided to wash it (yes, I'd washed it several times before) and a corner of it got burned up in the washing machine. Yeah, I didn't know that could happen either. It has since transitioned from being my comforter to being the dog's bed since she loves fluffy things too, and doesn't care what they look like.

Soon after I bought my house and gave the dog one of my most prized possessions, I decided to go the Target clearance route and buy a regular comforter (that didn't need a duvet cover because let's face it, those things are a pain in the ass to put on and take off).

It seems nice enough.

This morning I hit my breaking point. It was the first cooler night in the house (the dog was so far under the covers when I woke up shivering at 2am all I could see was her tail) and it just wasn't cutting it. I had to get up and put another blanket on the bed. This never happened with my fluffy comforter! Since it's really not even that cold yet (63° in the house when I woke up), the comforter gotsta go!

So after being a weak, WEAK person and turning on my heat this morning (yes, I'm ashamed), I ordered a new fluffy comforter, with a duvet cover to follow after payday. WEAK!

Today, after four months of being haircut-less, I decided to make an appointment at the teaching salon. I don't know if that makes me weak or brave.

I also set up appointments for Pippi to go to the dog boarding place down the street. I'm not going to lie, my decided factors for choosing this place were the prices and...the dancing cat on the website.

This is the first time I'm not leaving Pippi with a friend or relative and I'm nervous about it. See?


Friday, October 5, 2012

New ways to scare the shit out of people

Have you ever perused Etsy for shits and giggles? I do it often while trying to will myself to sleep. Last night I came across a jackpot of things no one should probably ever see, let alone pay money to buy. Here are a few true "winners".

When my mom and I were in VA Beach, I saw a mosaic mirror that I really wanted, but didn't buy because, you know, that whole being on a budget thing. Last night I decided to search "mosaic" under "art" just to see what I could find.
Mosaic Dog Fox Wolf Bunny Cement Sculpture

Who, hasn't thought, at one point or another "I need a 'mosaic dog fox wolf bunny' sculpture"? I mean, come on. It's ONLY $10,000! (No, I'm not joking). The description that accompanies this beauty is worth reading, as you can probably imagine.

Searching for "dog art" brought up another winner. This one only costs a mere $800. Yes, that's all!
Hound, Whimsical Paper Mache Dog Sculpture

Basically, a really freaking expensive way to scare the shit out of the real dog. I guess it could also take the place of a real dog...if you want your friends and relatives to really worry about your sanity.

This next one is truly the winningest of them all. Find something more awesomely disturbing and I'll eat my words.
Glass Mosaic Sculpture, "Venus Envy"

I guess this could be a truly brilliant (albeit expensive) way to get the neighborhood kids to stop running through your lawn. It's practically a steal at $5,500. Plus, I bet it shines in the sun. AND it's about 7.5' tall. Who says lawn ornaments can't wear stripper shoes?

And, with that, I hope you all have a pleasant weekend filled with a lot less crazy than the people who will, undoubtedly, buy these items.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The next step on my way to becoming a football player

This past weekend I was in VA Beach spending some time with my mom, and enjoying the Neptune Festival. The people watching was fantastic—probably better than Wal-Mart quality. King Neptune can vouch.

He's escaped the sea! Hide yo turtles!

View from our hotel room.

We walked so much my feet almost fell off. We also talked, laughed, shopped, ate, and woke up way too early in the mornings. My mom woke up before 5am voluntarily each morning. I got home yesterday afternoon and fell asleep on the couch around 8:30pm. Livin the life, man. Livin the life. There were supposed to be fireworks on Saturday night but, since it rained off-and-on all day, they cancelled them.

Fail, VA Beach. FAIL!

My friends Nicole and Mike watched Pippi for me while I was gone and I was so worried she was going to be... a "handful". I talked to Mike and Nicole yesterday and it seems she was better behaved for them than I ever imagined. Maybe it's like when kids are better behaved for the babysitter than for their parents? Apparently they let her sleep in their bed, too. She suffered greatly in my absence.

She was exhausted yesterday afternoon/evening when we got home. I had to wake her up to eat dinner. It's like someone replaced her with a chill dog.


So guess what. I had a dentist appointment this morning and it turns out I've chipped two teeth in the six months since my last checkup. Since I plan on having these chompers for many years to come, I've been prescribed a mouth guard. Apparently my dentist wants me to bring sexy back.

His "do me" face?

I know I know. My life is so unbelievably awesome. Try not to get too jealous. In case you still have doubt, I'd like to share this little piece of amazingness with you, compliments of Sarah.

It's amazing how well she speaks my language.