A post from the dog

Yo. Pippi here. (Yeah. I pretend to be from the street. You got a problem with that?)

I need to discuss something with you all, my adoring fans.

For some reason the people around my house think it's OK to walk around in my presence outside. And THEN when I let them know who's boss my mom won't let me get at 'em. I KNOW! Isn't that why she adopted me? To protect her?? (and also, who wouldn't love this face? I mean, let's get real).

So anyway, while this is going on she tries to get my attention with a treat, but who can concentrate on treats at a time like that? There's an intruder walking around in my neighborhood!

Last night my mom had a conversation with me about how she is the leader and doesn't need me to protect her on walks. She said I don't need to bark at everyone. But I'm still skeptical. This morning I went batshit as soon as I walked out of the house at the neighbors a few houses down getting ready to walk to the bus stop. My mom's attempts to get my attention didn't work.

You guys, mom threatened to give me away this morning. For free.

But I'm friggin adorable!

She also wanted me to tell you about how, when it's time to go to bed, I get so excited that I stand at the top of the steps smacking myself in the face with my wagging tail. But don't believe her. I'm hardcore.

Two steps forward and three steps back

Just had to share a little bit of funny before getting into the nitty gritty.

greatness

Dog training is a ridiculous process. Ridiculous, I tell you. Trainer Ryan said there will be days when it seems like you're sliding backwards in the process, but FOR THE LOVE why can't it just be that Pippi decides, you know what, today I don't want to give you my paw to shake.

We're currently working on being nice to strangers. She's supposed to sit for greeting and keep her butt on the ground and just let them pet her. Simple enough, right? Yesterday on our walk a group of kids wanted to pet her and ask me questions about her. No problem. She walked up to them, sat down, handed them her paw, and tried to lick their faces. When she was done, she walked away. It was something I'd only dreamed about. I was so ridiculously happy with her. I thought we are finally turning a corner with this people thing.

This morning I just happened to walk her at the same time people were walking their kids to the bus stop and she was getting spooked by everyone and barking like she wanted to get at their throats.  Seriously, dog? Just when I was starting to think you were learning! If it were a different circumstance and people weren't on a time table to get their kids to school on time, I may have done the, "Hi, I'm trying to teach my dog to sit for greeting. Would you mind helping us out...?" and then she would sit and be nice because, dude, what's better than a stale dog treat and someone paying attention to me!!? I guess, until we get the hang of this stranger thing, she's just going to scare the shit out of people if it's not a good time for them to pay attention to her and hand her a treat.

I hate this.

So, this brings me to another story that happened in training class this weekend. We were walking around the store, working on the "heel" and "wait" commands and a guy startled Pippi and she barked. Instead of not being a douche bag and either walking away or giving her a minute to understand he's not a threat, he leaned down and shoved a fist in her face which I guess was his way of saying hi to a dog. Pippi don't play that game. She growled at him and showed her teeth and I pulled her away and walked the other direction. He then went to Trainer Ryan (who saw the whole thing) and said the guy tried to say Pippi bit him. Ryan told me Pippi did nothing wrong, that it was the guy's fault, so I was right in not scolding her in that circumstance.

Take note, ass wipe.

Other than these slip-ups, we're doing pretty good with other parts of training. Now, "on your bed" results in Pippi running over and plopping down on her bed all excited. I can even knock on the door without her barking every. single. time. Small victories, I guess. Thank goodness for those.

I have another run scheduled with Mike today after work. Hopefully I won't slow him down too much again. He mapped the route this time and promised me there's only one substantial hill. We'll see.

I'm a punk after all

I've decided why I was ready to give up on Daily Mile a while back. It all came screaming back to me.

The furthest distance I have any desire of running at one time is a half marathon. I have much respect for those running full marathons and further. That's just not my thing. I just don't have the attention span or the will. Plus, I need to keep it real with my cross-training also. That being said, the reason I started my Daily Mile account was to hold myself accountable for my training runs. I understand that, by posting my runs, I open myself up to ridicule. I know it's out of love. Right, you guys? RIGHT?? Anyway, lately, my brain thinks it's more of a tool to compare myself to everyone else.

In training for my half marathon, this past weekend my long run was seven miles. Friends who are running marathons at the same time as my half marathon are running 16–18 miles at this point. Considering a marathon is exactly twice the distance of a half marathon (duh) it totally makes sense. I, however, feel like a pansy. But I shouldn't. I'm right on track with my training plan.

For the first time in a long time I had a running buddy for my seven-mile run. It was a tough run and I kept having a hard time catching my breath, even though I wasn't out of breath. I know, it makes no sense. Maybe it was the humidity? I have no idea. I kept apologizing to Mike (my running buddy, who is training for a full marathon) for slowing him down. When we were done, he told me I'm better than I give myself credit for. In other words, "Hey idiot, believe in yourself." Lesson noted.

Journey would approve.

In other news, when I was in Boston in June, I got new running shoes.

Defyance 5. My "Boston shoes".

After so many failed pairs of running shoes, I had high hopes for these guys. I'm happy to report that they are awesome! I finally found a running shoe guy who knew what he was talking about and put me in a pair a half size larger than my regular shoes. It was magical advice. I'm pretty sure now that I've found a shoe that works, they're going to retire it. Next time I need shoes I may just have to have  Alyssa fit me for shoes (you know, since Boston is pretty far away). Get ready, Alyssa. It shall be your payment for taking a summer job at a running store.

I attract stupid

I'm being harassed by the US Census Bureau. You think I'm kidding. Not long after I moved into my house (less than three months ago), I received the forever long census "survey" and, after reading that it is my legal responsibility to fill it out and send it back, I did so.

I have no relevant picture to go here, so you get this one. You're welcome.

Fast forward to August 2 (20 days ago), I received a call from them which i didn't answer since I don't make a habit of answering calls from numbers I don't know. (I later looked up the number and it turned out to be the Census Bureau). Since then I've received SEVEN calls from the number. Finally one day last week, out of desperation to make the madness stop, I answered. The guy on the other line started asking me what seemed like every single question from the survey I'd already sent back. I confirmed that they'd received my survey and asked why I was being asked all these questions. His best guess was that the machine that reads the surveys didn't catch all the answers. Now, I KNOW my handwriting is easy to read. I call bullshit.

An example of part of our exchange:

Dude: "Do you have trouble walking up stairs?"
Me: "Umm..no"
Dude: "Have you ever given birth to a child?"
Me: "no"
Dude: "Do you have any grandchildren who currently reside with you?"
Me: <long pause because, seriously, are you kidding?> "No."
 
At this point I'd been on the phone for more than 15 minutes and that's really as much time as I was going to allow them to steal from me. I told dude that I had to go and hung up. Right away, they tried to call back. I didn't answer. Since then I've received more calls.

I have so many questions about this. The topmost of which is Is it possible to turn the US Census Bureau in for harassment?? Why is this so fucking important? I'm a single white female living in a house that I pay a mortgage on and I'm healthy. That's really as much information as I'm comfortable divulging. You know, that and the names of my grandchildren.

I've done some research and found out that I'm not alone in this. Of all the amazingly moronic things in this world. I swear I attract stupid.

Anyone else in this boat with me?


Ending this thing on a high note.