Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I attract stupid

I'm being harassed by the US Census Bureau. You think I'm kidding. Not long after I moved into my house (less than three months ago), I received the forever long census "survey" and, after reading that it is my legal responsibility to fill it out and send it back, I did so.

I have no relevant picture to go here, so you get this one. You're welcome.

Fast forward to August 2 (20 days ago), I received a call from them which i didn't answer since I don't make a habit of answering calls from numbers I don't know. (I later looked up the number and it turned out to be the Census Bureau). Since then I've received SEVEN calls from the number. Finally one day last week, out of desperation to make the madness stop, I answered. The guy on the other line started asking me what seemed like every single question from the survey I'd already sent back. I confirmed that they'd received my survey and asked why I was being asked all these questions. His best guess was that the machine that reads the surveys didn't catch all the answers. Now, I KNOW my handwriting is easy to read. I call bullshit.

An example of part of our exchange:

Dude: "Do you have trouble walking up stairs?"
Me: ""
Dude: "Have you ever given birth to a child?"
Me: "no"
Dude: "Do you have any grandchildren who currently reside with you?"
Me: <long pause because, seriously, are you kidding?> "No."
At this point I'd been on the phone for more than 15 minutes and that's really as much time as I was going to allow them to steal from me. I told dude that I had to go and hung up. Right away, they tried to call back. I didn't answer. Since then I've received more calls.

I have so many questions about this. The topmost of which is Is it possible to turn the US Census Bureau in for harassment?? Why is this so fucking important? I'm a single white female living in a house that I pay a mortgage on and I'm healthy. That's really as much information as I'm comfortable divulging. You know, that and the names of my grandchildren.

I've done some research and found out that I'm not alone in this. Of all the amazingly moronic things in this world. I swear I attract stupid.

Anyone else in this boat with me?

Ending this thing on a high note.


  1. I would just never answer and hope they eventually take the hint. I guess we didn't return our census thing fast enough in 2010 because they sent someone to our house and he asked if my parents were home. Highlight of my year.

  2. I'm with Alyssa, just don't answer the phone. Or, if you want to be proactive, call the census bureau yourself and tell them to stop calling. Are you 100% sure it's not a scam that they keep calling?

  3. They sent us something once too and we answered it then they called over and over. It was really annoying. I can't recall how it stopped but it did.

  4. Unrelated, but have you seen the "I pee on turtles" Dogshaming picture? I could not stop laughing! You could call your state attorney general and see if you can complain about the census people, but I'm guessing it's considered government approved harassment. Next time they call, ask if they heard the troll in the closet story.

  5. Start talking in a different language each time they call, or even better - make up your own list of questions to start asking the rep: Boxers or Briefs? Does your grandma wear purple on Sundays? How many paperclips reside in your house?

  6. That is pretty crazy, guess I've never had to deal with the census people before. I never answer the phone for numbers I don't recognize either. It seems most of the ones we get repeatedly eventually give up but every once in awhile I'll just give in as well but I've never had to have a lengthy conversation or had the number continue to call after getting rid of them.

  7. Ahhhhh! Hate that! WE had the same issue but they kept coming to our house and knocking on our door. Really?! Why are we wasting our tax dollars on paying people to harass us?

  8. I have the country song "Single White Female" stuck in my head now. Maybe you should play that for them when they call back.

  9. Sounds like talking to the IRS or any state taxing authority in California (I work in a CPAs office). I'm convinced the majority of government agencies are run by, and employ, idiots.