Atrophy

Two weeks of not being able to work out and I'm GOING INSANE!

I've already signed up for a spin class this afternoon and I have grand plans of going for a run tomorrow since it's probably the last weekend of beautifully warm weather for a while. This is either a really great plan or a really super dumb plan. I'll let you know.

Shut up, Johnny.

Failing at life like a champ

Remember those two back-to-back races I signed up for for the second time this year (because I'm just so smart?)

Basically, they were the most gigantic wastes of my money ever. I haven't been sick in over two years, but this week and last my immune system decided to kick my ass. Last week, well, let me demonstrate with an annoyingly happy image.

And then this past Friday, the first day my stomach was back to normal, I started with a sore throat and by the time I left work, swallowing or talking felt like setting fire to my throat/neck/head and i had a fever of 100. At the late hour of 6:30, I took some magical medicine and went to bed for the night.

Magical oral anesthesia.

I spent the majority of my weekend doing more of that. Over and over. Sunday I went grocery shopping and then needed a nap. I don't feel any better today but I know if I go to the doctor they're just going to tell me it's a virus and to stop being a whiny little jerk. I should've saved the stuff I blew out of my nose this morning to bring to them. Doctors love that kind of thing, right?

My grand plan was to start Insanity this week, following my last two races, but now even that will be postponed until next week. It took all the energy I had this morning to take a shower. Epic life failing at its best. I had a coworker yesterday tell me to shoot saline up my nose ten times a day and I'll be better in three days. You know, or I could just drown myself. That would make everything better!

I can't afford to contribute to giving my neighbors' kids' cavities

While I won't be dressing up for Halloween this year (unless you count the Cindy Lou Who-esque Halloween headband I have sitting on my desk that I won't wear because it hurts my head), I'm celebrating it in the best way I know how... by being crafty.

The marketing division (which I am a part of. Duh.) at work has weekly meetings and it just so happened that today was our meeting day for this week and October happened to be my month to gather agenda items from each coworker for the meetings. Typically I'd just type them out in a Word document, but not today. Not when I'm in charge of the agenda!

It was appreciated.

I had decided early on that this year I'm going to skip the giving of candy for a couple of reasons. First, two bags of candy would have cost me $25 and that's just effing ridiculous considering I can't afford to buy food for myself until Friday. Second, I would either have to sit outside waiting for kids to come do my door or put up with Pippi losing her shit every time someone knocked on my door or rang my doorbell. Neither of those things really appeals to me in the least.

My plan was to just turn my downstairs lights off and hang out in my room for the evening. Yes, essentially my plan was to hide. From the little children. When I put it that way it makes me sound so awesome.

And then today my coworker, who has 5-year-old boy/girl twins, invited my coworkers and me over to help give out candy. Since this would mean that I would not only get to see all the cute kids in their costumes, but I also wouldn't have to buy the candy, I decided I'm in! And since I don't want to have to put Pippi through all the door knocking and doorbell ringing I suspect will go on even if I don't have my lights on, I created a sign.

I'm going to be the "mean neighbor" by tomorrow morning, aren't I?

And while the kids in my neighborhood are egging my house, I'll be down the road stealing candy corns from my coworker's children. After all, it's not Halloween without consuming candy corns.

In the spirit of the holiday, I've dug up some Halloween pictures from college for your viewing pleasure. It makes me sad to realize these are from ten years ago.

You can't tell, but I'm wearing pleather pants and showing my belly. Ahh...college.

I was Britney Spears. What? It's not obvious?

This second picture is also proof that Kara and I knew each other in college and probably drank Natty Lite together. Those were the days, my friends.

Are you and/or your kids dressing up for Halloween? Because I need pictures!

And that's why I don't rule the world.

I haven't ran in two days and I'm currently eating banana bread for dinner. No, I don't feel bad about it. Judge if you must.

I'm feeling the pangs of why it sucks to live far away from your family. When something bad (or wonderful) happens, giving yourself a big hug just doesn't cut it. Plus it kind of makes you look like a huge loser.

A little bit like this but not really.

Yesterday morning while my stepdad was taking his and my mom's dog (Abby) for a walk, a vicious dog ran up and attacked Abby. Abby had to have emergency surgery to fix multiple puncture wounds around her neck and my stepdad, who was bitten in the hand, had to have seven shots because the dog's drunk owner took off with his dog before they could get the dog's history.

How are idiots like this allowed in this world? I've decided that before people are allowed to procreate, there should be an IQ test and if their child is in danger of being a fucktard, they shouldn't be allowed to conceive. This is probably why I'm not the ruler of the world.

I talked to my mom earlier today and referred to the guy as an asshole. And I didn't get grounded. Being an adult FTW!

Like saying "shit" without being punished.

I really wish I could be with them right now. Thankfully everyone's at home healing and MAN do I hope karma finds that douche-bag. (I've decided he's got many nicknames).

Dear Karma, do it for Abby.

Also, this morning while in a meeting my purple pen ran out of ink and AND I had to wake up and go to work today. Life is so unfair!